Is a first down worth it?

Looks like the NFL has another medical lawsuit on their hands, but this time it has nothing to do with concussions. It seems that 17 players and 2 referees are suing the NFL for their cancer.

Artie Goldstein, lawyer to the plaintiffs, is reporting that cancer has become an epidemic in the NFL. We ask what is causing the cancer? They are telling us the first down yellow line is the culprit. The laser being used has large amounts of arsenic and yellow dye which are two proven cancer causing agents.

Jimmy “No Neck” Thompson, former fullback of the Tennessee Titans, claims that he made a career of contracting cancer. “You don’t think the coaches knew about this?” said Thompson. “You have to be crazy. Chris Johnson runs the ball 30 times a game but the second its 3rd and 1 or 4^th and 1, they bring me in. They don’t want to “run” the risk of their precious running back falling on the line. When you fall on that line you know something’s wrong. It’s like you can feel the cancer entering your pores.”

One official who chose to remain anonymous said “you ever wonder why the yellow line is not visible when we are measuring a first down? We have to call up to the booth to make sure that thing is not on before we measure. One game Ed Hockeley thought it would be funny and have the booth tell me it was off when it really wasn’t. I had to measure over 20 first downs that game. 3 weeks later I have full blown Ball Cancer”.

Looks like the NFL has more medical drama on their hands than a season of Grey’s Anatomy. How will this issue be handled by the NFL? One thing we can tell you is that no matter how much safer you make the game, first downs will be as common as ever. And the fans are going to want to know where those first downs are!