Barack Obama was born August 4th, 1961 in Honolulu,
Hawaii. Or was he? Obama has feverishly defended that he was born in the United
States, but has failed to produce a birth certificate. We have discovered why.
After a long arduous search Obama’s birth certificate has been found. In fact
Obama was not born in the U.S. Per the real birth certificate Obama was born in
Shenzhen, China. His real name is Barack Obama Ching Chong Dinga Linga Ding
Dong.
We have attempted to contact him and his PR team but have
not heard back. We did talk to Obama’s secretary she did say that he does have
trouble pronouncing his L’s and she finds it difficult recognizing him when the
Chinese leaders are in town. She also noted he orders the Kung Pao Fried
Chicken and the Watermelon Egg Roll from his favorite Chinese restaurant, China
Will Destroy the US Buffet.
We caught up with Michelle Obama while at Forever 21 trying
on dresses. “I can tell you one thing, Barack is definitely not black from the
waist down” Michelle said with a smirk and wink. When asked about her husband
being from China she said “isn’t Hawaii in China?” We tried to get more out of
Michelle but she dipped into a crowded Hot Topic.
These reports have shaken up Washington D.C. Joe Biden was
quoted saying “looks like I am the new president bitches.” He then proceeded to
show us his birth certificate which resembled dog pound adoption papers.
When we asked former president George W. Bush about the
findings he said “last time we let China in this country they bombed Pearl
Harbor.” He went on to say “didn’t the Navy Seals kill him in a raid on his
compound in Pakistan?” Bush then indicated he needed to get back to his
workout. We met up with Bush at a McDonald’s playground swimming laps in the balls.
Sarah Palin has been very vocal on the controversy. “I knew
that Blasian was not from this country” she remarked. “I could have told you he
wasn’t a citizen. All blacks are from Africa. Just go to Africa one day and all
you will see is African Americans. My guess is he has AIDS too.” Palin then
went on to talk about the lack of black people in Alaska and that shockingly she
was carrying Phil Robertson’s baby.
D.C has been turned upside down today. As reports continue
to surface we will bring them to you first.
Update
We found this on Barack Obama’s twitter page:
“Who has their eyes half open now, roosers” #ChinaDomination
#BirthCertificate #ILoveEggRow
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